Thursday, May 31, 2012

friday funnies

I've got some more jokes for you:

Number 1: Saving President Obama
One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys.
Obama thanked them and said he'd give them all one thing. 
The first boy asked for a trip to Disney Land and that summer he was in Disney Land.
The second boy asked for a pair of Nike Shocks and sure enough the next day he was wearing a pair of Nike's.
The third boy asked for a wheel chair with a plasma TV, cup holders, and hydrolics. 
Obama, looking puzzled at the boy, asked why he wanted a tricked out wheel chair, because he didn't look disabled. 
The young boy replied, "I will be after my father finds out that I saved you."

Number 2: Experience Counts
The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, "Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating."

The next night (after McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid asks Obama, "Well, tell me... how is John McCain cheating?"

Obama replied, "Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice!"

Moral of the Story: Experience Counts.

Number 3: Clinton, a Limo, and a Pig
One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.

They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was getting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.

Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and the two men heard a terrible scream.
The limo driver stopped the car immediately to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate. 

"What happened?!" asked Bill. 

"I ran over a pig," replied his driver. 

Bill Clinton looked horrified. 
"Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been theirs." 

So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. 
Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a-half hours. 

Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he had been. 

"Do you know how long you've been gone?! What happened up there?" he asked. 

The limo driver, happily confused, replied, "Those people up there threw me a huge party." 

Bill Clinton, confused himself, asked, "What? Why?" 

The limo driver started up his car and answered, "I told them I was driving Bill Clinton around, and I ran over the pig."

Happy Friday Everyone!